“Here we see Jona-the-Slut
In its natural habit.
Note the palm-leave skirt
That hugs its hips
But also brings attention
To the coconut bra.”
Kendra,
I’m pretty sure there’s no tape
Left in that camera of yours.
“Of course there is
Jona-the-Slut!
The Kink Fairies always keep me
Well supplied with video tapes.”
Oh…
Does this skirt really hug my hips?
“Not a bit!”
Jerk!

“See how Jona-the-Slut
Is not as fast as the average human?
Its body naturally slows down
To shake its butt at possible mates!”
Imma gonna kill me a New Zealander
And cook it right up!
“Cannibalism is not kinky!”
I bet you taste delicious.
…
Get out of the coconut tree.

“Back, foul demon!”
OW! Son of a bitch-
You did not just throw
That coconut at me-
OW!
“See? I threw two
Because one is the loneliest
Number in all o’ kinkdom.
Isn’t that right Slutasaurus?”

Stop calling me a slut!
“Oh my, the beast can climb!”
Just because I’m easy
Doesn’t make me slutty.
“The beast is getting close-
Abandon ship!
Abandon shiiiiip!!”
Oh yeah…
I’m afraid of heights…
I forgot…
Halp! HALP!

Did I just hear
The call of an mispronounced
Help come from the island
Over there?
Oh I do wish my ears
Have not betrayed me.
Damn you Bowie
If they have been.
You always make me fantasize…
Again I do cry: HALP!
“What’s that over there?
A giant floating pencil case?
EW- pencil case…”

Um… are you guys okay?
Do you need help?
Yes, oh sexy non-islander!
Please make with teh halping!
I only have room for two
On the boat,
Hope that’s-
“Not a trouble at all!
Kinks first!”

Goodbye dear island!
“Goodbye old friends!”
With hope in my heart,
“And memories in this camera
Of mine,”
I know I shall never
“Have to see the likes of you”
Ever
“Again!”

…
You are weird Jon.
Shush- I’ve been trapped
On a desert island with a New Zeal
For days on end.
If I wasn’t weird after that,
Then I wouldn’t be so…
“Kinkified?”
Indeed!

“Where are we headed anyways?”
Home with me I guess…
Jon, stop hugging me,
I’m trying to steer the boat.
But you’re so huggable!
Bad Jon,
I’ll beat you with love!
Love beatings are not teh sexeh!